Icy Cold Water...

So this morning, the hand of fate dropped me into ice cold water. From quite a height. The water is green, mossy, bubbly, cold. And I see myself sinking into it. Mossy green and cold. I'm looking around at the bubbles and the pond life as I sink, fully aware that I'm sinking into icy cold water. And I wonder, as soon as this downward momentum stops, will I rise to the surface? Or will I freeze to death before that happens? Struggling to rise, but the cold settles into my bones, slowing me, slowing me. Immobilizing me. Will I rise and breathe freely again, or will I be trapped, encased in ice? Oh, it's so cold.

Just Too Trusting...

I’m just too trusting.  I’ve been told that’s actually a fault of mine.  Who knew that trusting could be a fault, but apparently it is.  Well, now, this pure white trusting soul of mine has some flecks of rotten yellow-green from my experience with you..

When you came with samples of your work, I thought it was wonderful, beautiful work.  You were wanting space.  We talked about it—about the registration fee and cost of monthly rental space.  And then, because your stuff was so wonderful and original, I suggested that you start your tenure with a show for the month of January. 

I scheduled you for a January 2^nd move-in date.  I rearranged the room to accommodate the display case you mentioned.  I wrote you a wonderful article and sent it to all the local papers, including photos of your work from your internet pages, featured you on our website and created a page just for you.

Oh, but Saturday the 2^nd, you didn’t make it in.  Sick kids, sick you.  And then the weather came in and we closed early one day.  Finally, on THE day of your reception, you came in.  We spent several hours working on your display, arranging your work.  I dug up stuff from the closet, pulled stuff out of my scrapbooking supplies, helped you make it look just like you wanted it to look. 

I mentioned to you the commission difference between members of the and non-members and strongly suggested that if you wanted to pay the lower commission, we should take care of your monthly space rental.  And somehow, with the talk and the busy-ness of the afternoon, it didn’t get done.  You asked me how you would get the money for your sales and I said our accountant would write you a check at the end of the month.  You hesitated for a minute, explained that your sister would be there with a receipt book to handle all your sales, and could you just pay your members’ percentage of that.  Now it was my turn to hesitate.  Hmm.  I thought, that’s not really how it’s done.  Would it mess up the books?  I called my business partner and spoke with our accountant.  Both said that was fine, so I told you it was fine.

I left for awhile and came back, and when I got here, the reception was in full swing.  People were coming in and looking—some bought, not as many as we had hoped, but okay considering the weather.  Passed the time away talking to you, talking to others, talking to my partners.  It was a long, fun and chatty evening.

The hour of 9 drew near and I came around the corner to say, “Let’s just leave this table up up for the month and take down this other one…” and, oh my gosh, you had packed everything up!  I was surprised.

I said, “I thought you were here for the month.” 

You said, “I have a show to do.” 

Oh.

Oooooh….

You told me you sold $100 worth of stuff and you handed me a $10 bill, a member’s commission fee.  I mentioned that your membership hadn’t been paid and you said you didn’t have your checkbook. 

Oh.

Okay.

I get it.

But our agreement was…oh, that’s right, we didn’t have an agreement, did we?  At least not on paper.   It was just words…two women talking…one took the other for a ride and the other believed everything she said.  Silly me.

$10.  Please remind me, it’s not about the money.  Please.  $10 for the good faith effort I put into all the publicity I did for your show, for trusting you on your sales and your intention to become a member.  $10 for you to come in and walk all over us and move on.  And now here I am with a half empty room, and no monthly featured display, looking like a fool because I believe what people say.  And although this negative piece won’t be read by NEAR as many people as the wonderful article praising your artistry, a few will read between the lines and they’ll know.  

Come on.  Tell me this isn’t what really happened.  I’ll believe you still.

New Year's Resolutions for 2010

The season is upon us now, the time for gifts and giving...and as the year draws to a close, I think about my living..."
                                                                                           --JDenver

So I have some resolutions this year.  I see, in my Draft folder from last year, that I belated came up with a few, but never published them.  This year, what I can do to be a better person, a better citizen of the community I live in, of the World, jumps out at me like the jack-in-the box in "Elf".

1)  To pay more attention to family, spend more time at home.  After all, these are the only kids I will ever have.  My husband is my one and only.  Everyone who knows me will agree with this one, I'm sure.
2)  Spend more time alone, listening to myself, and the wee small voice that guides me.
3)  Love more.  Don't know if this is possible.  I love an awful lot, but I can sure try.
4)  Be more creative.  I know what you're thinking...but so often, I think of creative things I'd like to make--sewing, crafts, beadwork, photography...and as we all know, EVERYTHING takes a back seat to theatre.  Not that that's a bad thing, but...I guess this fits in to trying to make more 'me' time.
5)  Try to maintain a company-ready house.  Ha.
6)  Connect more with my far-away family.  That means, you, Diane, Andy, cousins, and Uncle.
7)  To try to fight the darkness more, not give in so much.  I am the least of those with reason to be blue about anything, and on good days, I know that.  I will think less, "Well, this is how I am," and think more of 1001 reasons to have a GOOD day.
8)  READ more.  I get depressed hearing about other people reading.  I used to have a book in my hand constantly.  Nowadays, it's always a script.  Again, not that that's such a bad thing, but...there's more out there than theatre.
9) Pay more attention to the Gallery.  'Nuff said.

Nine.  Good grief.  I need to print these out and post them everywhere to remind me.  I WILL see them through.  Check back with me on December 31, 2010.  We'll see how I did...


Chris

"What day is it? Why...it's Christmas Day, of course!"

For a family that has spent a lot of time saying 'no' over the past year, there was certainly a lot of 'yes' on Christmas morning...  


My son and my husband are TOTALLY enthralled with Beatles Rock Band, which we purchased...er, mentioned to Santa, way back in October.  Charlie, whose mother (me) spends a good deal of her 'yell time' decrying the effect of electronic entertainment on the lives of the family and the development of her children, never expected such a bonus under the tree this morning, but...well, what can I say...that was some pretty effective marketing out there--the commercials and all.  John can't take his eyes off the screen--the graphics, the animation.  Pretty amazing stuff.


Ben is happy with his Bakugan, a new Yugioh tin of cards, his HeroClix, and a new Interwrite drawing tablet (from Hudson!).


John was surprised with a camera, a hard drive (to back up his novel), a new toaster, a whistling teapot (a sound that's been missing from our house for 20 years....), and a Memory Foam mattress pad like the one Janet has.  (Yay!)


The house is filled with the smell of good burning wood courtesy of our poorly designed chimney.  Charlie is distressed about replacing the toaster because the toaster we have now is the same toaster they used in "Ghostbusters II" to 'toast the slime' (or something).  I promised him that we would decommission the toaster from toasting, but would relegate it to theatre prop status so we'd still have it.


Ben thanked me several times.  He seemed excited about exploring the possibilities for art projects in a new magazine Santa brought him that is totally written and illustrated by children.


Charlie is looking forward to upgrading his computer with the $100 Lucky Life Best Buy gift card.  [Lucky in that I dropped it in the parking lot and a Best Buy employee called to tell me it had been found even before I knew it was gone.  Wow.]



And me?  I'm cleaning up after us all.  I bagged up all the wrapping paper to take outside and John said I looked like the Ghost of Christmas Over.   Chuckle.  I'd like to do some entertaining over the next couple weeks and Christmas is the only time of year when my house is actually clean...



It's not all commercialism here, really.  We went to church last night--Park Chapel--where we sang and sang and sang.  I know all the words to all the verses.  I'm one of those people who "honors Christmas in my heart and tries to keep it all the year".   I hugged my good friend Dennis, who was there with all the kids (while Rachelle went after the new puppy).  The service opened with the wonderful Linus speech form "A Charlie Brown Christmas".  Wonderful.  Enjoyed the singing of Don Crane, the Fine Arts minister there who has become a friend.  Enjoyed being in the church period.  The music there speaks to me.  

After, we delivered some of my cookies to friends--Urbans, Judy and Sharon, Coles...  Came home and wrapped gifts (the show put me back a month in Christmas prep) and filled the time until it was late enough to try and get the kids to bed.  We opened our ornaments.


Our ornaments are a wonderful time capsule of our lives.  We shop seriously for 'the' ornament that encapsulates our year--this year, Charlie got a Ghostbusters ornament, Ben got yet another Godzilla ornament (yes, I know--how festive--and we have five of them now...), and I got John a TV ornament that plays the Twilight Zone theme.  He got me a teddy bear that says 'Believe', but I have my ornament from "Fiddler" that Don gave me...  ;-)


We read the stories--first "The Night Before Christmas", which I have memorized, so it's just a matter of showing the pictures; and then the Christmas story.  My year was greatly enhanced by directing "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" this year where the Christmas story figures heavily.  I'm forever changed, I think, from that experience.



After the boys went to bed, I wrapped gifts far into the night...played on FaceBook and watched "A Christmas Story" twice, I think (there's a 12-hour marathon of it on...TBS?).  Thoroughly enjoyed reading everyone's updates:  wrapping gifts, opening them, eating, movie quotes, celebrating Christmas, each in his own house, but sharing with the rest of us out there. 


*************


Ben just asked me if when I opened my iPhone, was it gonna glow like the Ark of the Covenant in the Indiana Jones movie.  Ha.


Yeah, an iPhone was what I got.  Charlie's idea for him, but we decided that he had enough distractions.  I probably do , too, but what a cool toy. 


Later today we're going to use John's movie certificates to go see "Avatar".  I've heard mixed reviews, but it looks pretty good to me, and like a good Christmas movie.


A good Christmas, good family time, a good year.
Happy Holidays.

Bad Writing Hangover

Wow.  I felt asleep almost immediately (after posting the previous piece of writing) and woke up an hour later having had a nightmare about the aftereffects of posting such a piece.  It was a dream along the lines of 'nothing bad can happen until you hit the 'send' key (Ha.  Thanks, Dennis!)  and it was too late.  Jayme was in it.  Hudson was in it.  Others I think. 

I'm just an equal opportunity writer.  With the ups, comes the downs.  But, for more on the ups, you should see:  http://thedirectorsjournal.blogspot.com/  That's where the happiness is.  Jus' so you know where to look. 

Sleeping on the Couch

You'd think at Christmas I could write something uplifting...  I mean, I'm so filled with happiness so much of the time...with so much joy that it seems like one heart can't hold it all.  So when do I decide to write?  When I'm sad, and alone.  And lonely.  When I'm nobody's favorite anything.


I'm sleeping on the couch out here where I can see our Christmas tree.  It's a beautiful tree.  It's the most beautiful tree.  Covered in white lights and ribbon.  I can see our ornaments.  Mine, from the year I was born, from my childhood Christmases, my growing up years, my adult married years, and my most recent Christmases.  And all the gift ornaments we've gotten over the years...the ornaments we've bought for the kids, one for each year of their lives, which they will take with them when they go to start their families.  It's a great tradition.



I'm sleeping out here on the couch because I'm up too late and I don't want to bother John by coming to bed.  I stayed up way too late working on Christmas.  On cookies, because that's all I can do for my friends, the ones who make my life worth living.  The ones that make my world a better place with their smiles.  On special projects that give me happiness to work on.


I'm sleeping out here on the couch because my side of the bed isn't ready for me.  It's covered with clothes that need to be folded and put away, and with wrapping paper and ribbon and scissors and tape and tags.  I didn't finish anything today, and if I go in and clear it off now, I will bother John.  And I don't want to do that.


But I took my pillow.  And Bradley the bear.  And took Charlie's extra comforter.  And I will sleep out here on the couch.  Where I can see my beautiful tree.  And look out at the lights of other houses and homes.  And I can sniff without disturbing anyone.  And listen to the sounds of the house.  And once I've thought way too much about everything, I can tell myself that tomorrow is another day and there will be joy, again, in the morning.  Sleeping on the couch has a bad connotation, but this is right.  And okay.

My Blogger Friend Liz

I have friends in my life that I know much better in cyberspace than I do in real life.  My Blogger Friend Liz is one of those.  I believe I stumbled onto her blog, Eternal Lizdom, through Indiana Auditions.  She's a theatre person and a mom, (but make no assumptions about her titles--that's what it says on her blog), so we have that in common.  She works; I don't...much anyway.  Her kids are young; mine are older.  She writes about her children, her life, her causes in life.  I feel a connection with her even though our physical social circles don't link.   I read her blog.  She writes a lot.  She reads mine.  I don't write that much.  But it's a comfort to me to know she's out there.  She's on FaceBook, too, so we're doubly connected.

So we recently got to meet.  Knowing that she's a theatre person, I invited her to bring Teagan, her daughter, to one of the matinees for "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever". 

And so she came--and brought Teagan.  I immediately scared Teagan to death by being 'overly familiar' with her, but gosh, I feel like I know her.  I feel like I know Liz.  It was great to meet her, although I didn't have much time to spend since I was the director of the show and in charge of the massive movement of students in and out of the auditorium.  But I had seats for them in the front, and I showed them around backstage.  It was a joy to share my world with them.  I think she's hoping that Teagan clicks into theatre (so LIZ can get back into it, too--believe me, it's much easier to be a theatre person when your KIDS are involved, too!!!) and I hope I moved her a little closer to that.  ;-)

So Liz,  my blogger/FaceBook friend, we continue to have that cyberspace connection.  I enjoy our friendship and I love knowing you're out there.  Give your kids a hug for me; keep what's important close; and keep writing.

Chris