Unseen guests at the table

The Schaefers just made the decision to cancel Thanksgiving. Not to say that the holiday itself is canceled, but our formal dinner – with family from outside our immediate home – is canceled. It makes sense. With the television news, medical experts and most of our country’s leadership, all but screaming at us to stay home, don’t travel, Zoom with family, etc., and events publicized one day only to be canceled the next, it made sense. And although it would have been just me, John and Ben, my sister Diane (a member of the medical community who has been super careful), Charlie (unemployed, staying home and taking all precautions), her partner Jamie and her son Brodie, it still gave us all pause. For two weeks, we all fretted and talked about it off and on and finally made the decision to alleviate worry and stress and stay home. And we talked about last Thanksgiving. I talked with Charlie last night, during a long drive back from Chicago after delivering the first load of furniture and belongings to ‘the new place,’ and I talked with my sister this morning. Last Thanksgiving was our last Thanksgiving with my brother Daniel and Mom. Daniel was sick; he had just gone into hospice. We were talking about going to a restaurant so that Mom, who wasn’t in that great of shape herself, wouldn’t have to cook a meal. Then, it occurred to us that Daniel wouldn’t be able to go with us to a restaurant. Duh. So much uncharted territory… So, as averse as I am to just about anything that takes place in a kitchen, we – John and me -- agreed to go up to Fort Wayne on Wednesday and work together with Mom and Diane to prepare a dinner. I told Diane this morning on the phone: “We had to make a lot of decisions, and most of them were good ones.” From here, a year later, I cannot imagine even considering going out to a restaurant and leaving Daniel alone in his hospital bed – even for a couple of hours. Dinner was good. We had Christmas music on and we decorated Mom’s tree. And that was the Last Thanksgiving. This year – 2020 – is the first year in 61 years, where I will sit down to a turkey dinner fixed in my own home. Before this year, it was Grandma Finley (my mother’s mom) in Lafayette, and then it was my mom’s house in Fort Wayne. For 60 years. For the first time in 60 years, I will get to see Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV. In past years, we were always on the road to Grandma’s or Mom’s. It will be my Christmas dishes, my tablecloth and just us – John, Ben and me. And COVID-19, of course. The unseen guest at everyone’s table this year. But we won’t be setting a place for him. We will carry on, remembering Thanksgivings past and making new memories. And hopefully, this time next year -- with my sister and BOTH of my children with their significant others – we will push back from the table and move into the living room with our pumpkin pie, chocolate cake and coffee. And we will say, “Remember last Thanksgiving? It was COVID and our first Thanksgiving without Mom and Daniel. And Charlie was moving to Chicago. And the news was screaming at us and we finally decided to cancel? It was a hard decision, but it was a good one. Remember that?” And we will sigh.