Make no mistake. I'm having a really good life right now. I'm happier than I think I've ever been. I'm working at a job I really like and I'm good at; I've got a terrific show about to open on Friday night. I have friends that I dearly love all around me, but suddenly, I seem to have all this anger simmering inside me.
I'm angry with people I work with, people I see every day, family, friends, people in general. I'm angry, and I'm not really sure why. In some ways, I know it's really irrational--nothing tangible or concrete. Nothing specific--just a general simmering, resentful anger.
I'm feeling ignored, abused, walked on, neglected, pushed around and misused. I feel like my good humor and my willingness to please is really being taken advantage of. My sense of the big picture and what's best in the long run is being totally disregarded. I'm making sacrifices in terms of family, finances, and time and no one else is.
It's 6:13 a.m. as I finished this up (I started it last night), I'm up this morning to a meeting of the Merchant's Association at 7:30, and then a Christmas Festival Meeting at 8:45. And then to the Gallery until 5 p.m. where I hopefully will find time to write a letter of intent for a grant (which is due tomorr0w). And after that, I will try to get over to the theater and finish up some lose ends for the show, the fabulous show, that will no doubt be attended by far fewer than it deserves to be.
Does anybody realize that the KidsPlay Studio is the busiest place in the building this summer? And we're going to be put out in December? No, it's not making ANYONE any money, least of all, me.
Yes, this is a pretty poor piece of writing....as unfocused as my anger.