Saturday, July 10, 2010

A Dream About School

I dreamed I started back to school. Julie was there. It was the most natural thing in the world for me to be there and I was excited and happy about it. I was teaching 4th grade. I realized that the first day was about to begin and I hadn’t made nametags for the kids’ desks. I was trying to cut them with the very dull paper cutter when my first student came in. I asked her to help me, and she did. I wondered how it was that I was just able to walk right back in and get a teaching position. I wondered how long it would be before I felt the despair and futility of my task.

I think this dream comes from the need to have more money coming into our household.  But I have absolutely no desire to ever return to teaching.  I don't know why I did that to myself for so long.  Wow.  And in truth, I don't think I could return to urban-teaching again.  I would never be able to shake the sense that I was engaged in a pointless, fruitless pursuit, trying desperately to teach kids who were simply not interested in learning.  Argh.

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