Monday, November 2, 2009

Just can'

Some days, it's just too hard.
Some days, I just can't do it.
Some days, it's really easy to understand why there are those who just can't get out of bed, who give up.  

Today...maybe tomorrow one of those days.  There were more than the usual blows, more than the usual kicks to the stomach.  More than I can bounce back from.

Make no mistake, every day on this earth for everyone has its moments...moments of discouragement, situations and circumstances in any one life that are difficult.  We all face them every day.  But some days, there are more of these moments than usual.

Today was one of those days....

My usual load includes the guilt I carry because I'm not working, a husband whose hates his job, the stress that not enough money causes, an unmotivated older child and a very difficult younger child, a house that's dirty and cluttered, a strong (but so far manageable) desire to be just about anywhere but home.  My perpetual fear of letting people down.

Today, however, we add to the usual, something that's been lost.  We add a child who's going to be kicked out drama.  Car trouble.  The need to buy a new air conditioning unit.  Hurt feelings.  And stuff I still didn't get done.  A migraine.  A sick stomach.

 It's almost more than I can bounce back from.

Oh.  I know I will.  Eventually.  But for now, it's just too hard.  Too hard to get up.  Too hard to smile.  Easier just to give up.  Stay in bed.  Sleep.  Sleep until something gives...

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