So I got up out of bed today, literally AND figuratively, to take inventory of what I still have...what's left standing...what's salvageable.
I went to GC to see Jacobs and yelled at him because he left me hanging in a serious e-mail conversation. He said, "You said you didn't want to talk about it!" And I said, "And you fell for that???" We laughed. I saw JHudson with surprise-to-see-me in his eyes and real concern and my heart went out to him for making him worry. I saw Zaq and Carie and Jayme, and Matt and Anthony and Taylor and Ashton and IO and I realized that there's really a lot left standing.
I don't think I'm out of the woods yet, but...this morning, I woke up focused on some KidsPlay ideas and THAT is a terrific sign.
I'm having tentative and careful conversations with my soulmate brother and the fact that he...and I...are really trying......we're being so careful. Before I swim across the river to talk with him, I take my heart out, wrap it in a bundle of clothes and hold it high above my head, so it won't get wet while I swim across. I sense he does the same when he swims across to talk to me.
I had lunch with my other soulmate brother and looked at him long and hard and saw, amazingly, that he was still there, too. I sort of can't believe it. I asked him about it...said I knew how 'I was' and he said (oh, I love him for this), "Well, that's just part of knowing you." We shared some ideas--our favorite thing to do--and got excited about the future. He had a couple of hard truths for me, that I'll be awhile processing, but I suspect he's right. He usually is. Usually.
And now, I need to find my girls and assess the damage there. I need to look at my assorted projects and focus my energies, and I need to get over to the Wal-Mart pharmacy so all this positivity doesn't get washed away at high tide. I know how I am. :-)